I'm baccccck!



I've taken a hiatus from all things technological. Ok that's not entirely true. I still use my email, I used my phone (which has email, chat, and gps), and I ordered clothes on line. So to say I've taken a break from technology is a false statement. However, I have taken a break from the bliggity (blog) and the ever time consuming Facebook, of which I dont' see myself returning to anytime soon. Anyhoo...I've done too much in the past few months to catch you up on.

But what has really brought me back to the blogging world is what happened at Sugarland concert this past Saturday. I need an outlet, a place to vent, and to have this out there for some child to see one day. There is a rule, perhaps not a concrete law rule but one that should be followed if you were not born and raised in a barn. It's more of a courtesy, common knowledge if you will. Or so I thought until the night of the concert. I know it may not sound like a big deal but imagine this; you've gotten to the concert, found a perfect area with your best friend and have laid down your quilt. Imagine sitting there next to gaggles of high schoolers a little too close for comfort, so you move your quilt a couple of feet away so you can stretch out. Imagine them now stepping on your blanket. Stepping on it to get to where their friends are, stepping on it because they're standing in a pack and dont' understand spacing. Then Megan and I leave to go to the bathroom and to get some food, we come back to 5 little drunk high school girls wearing cowboy boots standing in the MIDDLE of said quilt. Rude, rude, rude. Now I'm not really sure where I learned not to step on other people's blankets ( I bet it was from my parents when I was younger though) but this lesson must be taught again. I mean it's like me going to the beach and ignoring the fact that I'm stepping on other people's towels with my wet sandy feet. It's the same thing except with a blanket and grass. How that doesn't translate over is beyond me. I had to breathe a couple of times and remind myself it's not a good idea to pull a 17 year old girls hair.



Not even the worst of it.



I get that this isn't such a big deal but it bothered me and I just wanted to put out a reminder for everyone to please remember it's rude and inconsiderate to step on other people's blankets...ESPECIALLY with your shoes on. The summer has ended and along with it laying out on blankets for outdoor concerts. But next summer will be here before you know it so please be cognisant of where you're putting your muddy ass feet. Thanks.

TLC

I love pictures. I can be so overcome with emotions from one image it's amazing. MY FAVORITE, and I mean favorite (if they can't shoot my wedding, I'm never getting married) photographers are with Mille Holloman Photography. I could go on and on about their team of geniuses because I look forward to every post they have but I wanted to talk about this one particular picture from today's post.
This shot was taken at the bride's house where the wedding was being held. They had the wedding in the back yard, so nothing about the house was changed, they simply found this, as is, and took this amazing shot. Now what has me so mesmerized about this is the blatant show of hard work that someone has put into their house, yard, and life. It's a testament to the commitment they have to their land, farm and hopefully to the enrichment of their family's lives.

Life and love are hard work and you don't always have some tangible thing to show for it and sometimes even your efforts aren't noticed. Maybe it's just a working relationship, a lasting friendship, or a feeling you have that are your reward. Is that so bad? Could it be enough for you?

Deeper thoughts

Walter and I were talking today about things, and as usual things turned from the superficial into an honest, deep conversation. We ended up talking about perfect partners, relationships, and since my sister has instructed me to blog about "deeper" issues and things, here I am sharing it.  I was trying to remember how this was brought up so I went back into our conversation and found exactly how our topic started. Oh yeah THIS way:

Walter: what do you think of this bet Zach and Jess have concerning you and mawwaige?

 Also....I think I may need a new wallet....it's looking pretty beat up.

Yeah. My roommate and her boyfriend have a bet regarding my current relationship. However there is no money involved, or a bracket with specific dates and if you land closer to the "winning" one you get the pot. Or at least I hope there's not. I think it's just a discussion between the two of them so they can transition into their own plans etc. I'm not going to tell you what the bet is right now because my boyfriend reads this and I'd like to keep him around for a bit longer. Hi Dave!

Anyhow, we got to talking and I ended up telling him about how I carry this list in my purse of qualities and traits my "perfect" guy would have. Now please don't think that when I meet someone during our first date I pull it out and scrutinize him checking off everything one by one. This is like a reminder for me of what I want, and what I should strive to have so that I don't settle. Walter doesn't have a list but I encouraged him to make one, so he knows what he's looking for....eventually. I actually added a couple of things to my list today too after talking it out. After my past two relationships I've learned a little bit more about what I want and need. Today I added fighter, and a communicator. I need someone that is willing to fight for our relationship, who won't just give up when times get hard. A communicator---now I don't think I could ever be in another relationship with someone that didn't communicate. I know it's so cliche to say women like to talk about things and my boyfriend, husband, lover, fiance etc doesn't open up. But you know what? ANY relationship needs open communication to work. It's not healthy to keep things bottled up inside and make the other person guess or leave them completely in the dark. Not to say that everyone shouldn't have their own personal things they keep for just them, but if you're in a relationship you have to be willing to open up and share certain things. By all means you don't have to do a play by play of your day (and then I got up and peed and then I used my new Colgate toothpaste...zzzz shoot me now) but important and significant things should be shared and talked about.

In the end I just want me and my friends to be happy. And I think we all are.

Thoughts

Ok so a bunch of random things today. I guess it wouldn't be same RANDOM person if I didn't do this every once in a while.

It's been so hot and muggy out these past few days. I told my best friend Megan that halfway from the parking garage to my office building I wanted to give up and lay down on the sidewalk. This kind of heat just zaps all the energy I have out of me. It's fine for days when all you have to put on is a bathing suit, lay out, and take a dip in the pool when the heat gets too unbearable. (I would do that this Saturday, but it's calling for rain...booooo) The even bigger issue is how to dress for this weather. While I want to be wearing close to nothing, sadly my office frowns upon that. And really I don't like to be looked at anyways, so I try to avoid inappropriate wear at all costs. What's worse is that the air conditioner in the building is on freezing-oh you're nipples are hard-should I turn it down- but I won't setting. I have to dress for the heat and yet bring something to keep me from dying of frost bite inside. It's not that complicated since I am the Cardigan Queen but still the fact that I have to think about that at 7:30 in the morning irks me.

Maybe it's being off Facebook and having free time, maybe it's wanting more out of conversations, maybe it's a lot of things but I'm paying closer attention to the news, following stories (can you say McChrystal out Patreaus in?) and expanding my depth of reading. I'm still all about the mindless pool-side novels but right now I'm delving into C.S. Lewis' works. Currently I'm ready Mere Christianity, and though I just started it I think I'm going to get a lot out of it. Next month my roommate has set up a book club which I'm really excited to participate in. The first book has already been established but I'm hoping I can throw in a C.S. Lewis book into the rotation. I'd love to get others thoughts and ideas about the same piece I'm reading.

I'm also questioning my blog. I was looking at some personal blogs the other day and the thought that crossed my mind was "who cares?" Terrible I know, but it seems that every family has a blog about how little Sally walked today. Other than the family members and friends that care about the Joe Schmo familes daily eating habits or whatever it is they're blogging about, no one that doesn't know them cares. And that can be said about me and my blog. Yes, it's a great outlet for me, but this is probably my over sharing part of my personality that is putting it online for anyone to read. Maybe I should just journal again. No ones honestly looks forward to the dribble I write on here. The people that do read it already know when I go to the beach to see my sister and have probably talked to me on the phone while I'm there having fun. This really does seem pointless. Although it's a fun and creative outlet, and when else in my daily life do I get to write? Ok Ok call me Brett Farve but like him I do waffle back and forth. Luckily for you today is the day I'm sticking with blogging...who knows what tomorrow will bring though. 

I less than three you...<3

Here's a question I once asked my family and close friends: do you think it's better to love more or be loved more?

Now I used to think that I would want to be loved more (of course, I'm Laurencentric right?) but today I think I would want to love equally.

Is that even possible, to love equally?

As an outsider, do you think you can tell who loves more in a relationship? Can you even tell if you are IN the relationship whether one person loves more?

At a certain point one person obviously loves more (at the beginning of a romance). One person has to be the one to fall first, it doesn't usually simultaneously happen. But as a love grows and develops I think that it should even out.

I have been loved more and have also loved more with the same person. That's the thing with love, at least in my mind anyway, it's something that you have to nurture. Unconditional love (agape) I never felt that I had to work for. I never felt that it would falter or go away. I knew that whatever I did my mom, dad, and sister would ALWAYS love me. Their love never waivers.

Romantic love is what I'm asking about. Now I know some of you read this but I'm really asking for your comments on this one. It's hard to figure out, and it's so much better when it's a discussion. So let me know what you think, I'm not sure how I feel anymore.

Sticks and Stones

Sometimes words just get to me. I'm currently reading the compilation of 100 Ray Bradburry's short stories and he has a way with words. He can make something simple more than it is with just a few words. I've never been into short stories before but with these I'm drawn in right off the bat and captivated until the end.  

I also picked up the Screwtape Letters by C.S Lewis. I'm interested in his journey to Christ, so I was googling some background and other books to check out of his and I came across this one quote that I fell in love with; "Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything." He wrote this about his wife dying. It's beautiful and sums up loss so completely.

Today, I was catching up on some of the blogs I read, and this photography one that Iove wrote this next quote and I was so taken with it that I had to share.

"All it takes is one little spark to create a blaze in the heart of another, and you can choose to douse it with disinterest or let it spread until it engulfs your whole being."

I don't even know how to put into words how I feel about this. It's perfect. It's true. It's that choice that we all don't realize we're making when we meet someone.

Words are amazing...but don't forget that your actions speak just as loud.

Pickle

Tonight was a rainy dark night, and I was driving home from dinner with my family. The windshield wipers were working hard, and the defroster was on blast and I was barely able to see. I drove under an overpass and a car was pulled off to the side with their 4 ways on, and a few feet ahead a taxi was pulled over as well and a man was walking from the taxi as it was pulling away to the car on the side of the road. He lifted his arms like hey I’m here. Now, here is where my mind takes over. This was probably in all likelihood a friend coming to another friend’s aid because of a blown tire or some other form of car trouble. BUT in my head (due to my hopeless romantic tendencies…yes this cynic is a hopeless romantic deep down somewhere in this empty heart of mine) this is how it went…

Girl and boy get in some sort of argument and girl takes off into the rainy night (drama queen), but boy (oblivious) doesn’t chase after her and off she goes. On her drive away from the city that the man she loves lives in she pulls over under the overpass so that she can take a minute to think, and because her tears coupled with the rain blur her vision. Boyfriend meanwhile jumps into a cab (after all he’s a Washingtonian and metro’s everywhere so he doesn’t have a car) and tells the driver to head out of the city. Luckily he spots her car and tells the cab to pull over, and he gets out walks towards her shrugging like lucky us you’re here, I’m here, let’s fix this. THAT is what happened in my mind.

And that is the reason I will not allow my children, especially my daughters (if I’m blessed with any) to watch sappy chick flicks. It totally ruins real life. Things like the scene in Love Actually don’t ever really happen.

Love is simple, and maybe that’s the thing we’re missing. Maybe we’re all waiting for some crazy big lightning bolt to hit us, or dramatic display of affection that these movies have taught us to wait for, when really love can be in the form of giving you the pickle off my plate that I really wanted to eat but you asked for .

But seeing as I’m already ruined in that department I will be going to see The Last Song on Thursday with my mom and some girlfriends. Damn you Nicholas Sparks.

P.S- I didn’t mean it Mr. Sparks. You know I keep coming back for more.

Pan, Peter Pan

Yesterday Dave came over after work, and he was wearing a suit! For his new job he's wearing civilian attire, and he looked snazzy. But it was also weird because it made me think when did I grow up? When did I start dating men in suits? When did it happen that I go to bed early, so I can wake up for work at 8? As Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy said, "We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?"

I don't necessarily want it to stop but I don't feel like I am old enough to be here. I still feel 16 but have to realize sometimes that I'm not.

However, I do realize I'm 24 and and adult when:

I get excited about finding the trash chute in my new apartment building, sleeping in on the weekends is 8:30 a.m, at Target I buy cleaning supplies, I have to look at my calendar before agreeing to anything, presents consist of Tupperware...and I'm excited about it, and I remember my best friend is getting married.

 98..99..100 Grown up life, ready or not, here I come.

I guess it's inevitable.

Hush

I may have a slight addiction to the show Bones. My favorite part about the show is the dynamic between Seeley Booth and Dr. Temperance Brennan. These two have such different personalities and perspectives, yet get along so well. I think it's their differences that bring them together and allow them to learn from one another and grow as individuals.  Anyhoo… I was watching a re-run yesterday and at the end Bones made a toast about Booth for his birthday and I loved it.

"Anthropology teaches us that the alpha male is the man wearing the crown, displaying the most colorful plumage and the shiniest baubles. He stands out from the others. But I now think that anthropology may have it wrong. In working with Booth, I've come to realize that the quiet man, the invisible man, the man who's always there for friends and family... that's a real alpha male. And I promise my eyes will never be caught by those shiny baubles again."

This was moving for me because earlier that day Dave sent me the following poem.

The Poor Knight 

From the novel The Idiot by Dostoevsky:

Lived a knight once, poor and simple

Pale of face with glance austere,

Spare of speech, but with a spirit

Proud, intolerant of fear.

He had had a wondrous vision:

Ne'er could feeble human art

Gauge its deep, mysterious meaning,

It was graven on his heart.

And since then his soul had quivered

With an all-consuming fire,

Never more he looked on women, 

Speech with them did not desire.

But he dropped his scarf thenceforward,

Wore a chaplet in its place,

And no more in sight of any

Raised the visor from his face.

Filled with purest love and fervour,

Faith which his sweet dream did yield,

In his blood he trace the letters

Her initials on his shield.

When the Paladins proclaiming

Ladies' names of true love's sign,

Hurled themselves into the battle

On the plains of Palestine,

Lumen coeli, Sancta Rosa!

Shouted he with flaming glance,

And the fury of his menace

Checked the Musslim's advance.

Then returning to his castle

In far distant country side,

Silent, sad, bereft of reason,

In his solitude he died

I feel that Bones' toast and the poem have the same theme- humble men. To me the strongest men are the ones that don't have to flaunt their accomplishments, good deeds and wins. These are the men that you can trust and follow. The unsung heroes. I'm lucky enough to have some of these men in my life.

Just because you don't, doesn't mean I can't brag about you.

Language

I got an email update from my sister today, and this definition was in it:

Redeem: to buy back, to get or win back; to free what distresses or harms; to free from captivity by payment of ransom; to extricate from or help to overcome something detrimental; to release from blame or debt; to free from the consequences of sin; to change for the better; to repair or restore; to exchange for something of value; to remove the obligation of by payment; to atone for, expiate; to offset the bad effect of; to make worthwhile; to rescue.

My sister leads Young Life, which is a non-denominational Christian based youth ministry. She sends prayer requests and email updates about how everything is going and I always find them moving and inspirational (much like my sister). My sister is amazing and I know that when she was speaking about redemption she was talking about Christ and how he died on the cross for our sins. However moving that is for me I think redemption can be tied into all aspects of our lives.

When I think of the word redeem sadly my mind turns to retail. Redeem your coupon for 20% off your ENTIRE purchase. Terrible. What I would like to focus on today though are relationships and heartbreak. Both are a part of life, and hopefully, one day,you'll find one that doesn't end in the latter. However with every break of ones heart (at least with mine) I find it harder and harder to trust and open up. I tend to feel that the new man in my life should redeem himself for the mistakes made from my previous relationship. Completely and utterly unfair, yes I know. I become closed off and don't want to be repaired for fear of getting destroyed emotionally again. But at the end of the definition is says, "to make worthwhile; to rescue." Redeem can mean so many things. It can be an action one takes, or a change of mind in order to "help overcome something detrimental." There's endless possibilities there, and isn't that a great thing?

What kind of redemption are you looking for?

Sillyness

I don't know what it is lately that has everyone on the fake mustache bandwagon, especially when it comes to wedding receptions. Can I just say right now how much I am not on board? With my obsession with style me pretty I've seen a lot of pictures featuring these hideous eye sores.

  Images found on Style Me Pretty

Because this is the lifelong memory I want to have of the happiest day of my life. Is this going to continue for every important day?

"Hunnie do you have my overnight bag? Ouch that was a bad contraction! Oh and can you grab our fake mustaches, I'm sure we'll want to take pictures once the baby is born."

If for some reason any of you want to continue with this theme and you have some extra cash lying around...well you know how I feel about presents...
Need I say more?

http://www.carstache.com/ 

Totally kidding, I would never put that on my car.

Just thinking

Today is going to be a lot of random. Ready?

I'm currently finding more and more blogs that I'm obsessed with. I get giddy with anticipation every morning when I get on the computer for the new posts that await me. My love of love and all things pretty have me addicted to a couple of wedding blogs. The desire to become a wedding planner (not a bride) has me swooning over the images and DIY ideas they showcase.

Other current obsession: Photography. I wish I had paid more attention in high school when I took photography class and developed film in the dark room instead of trying to kiss boys. On my current wish list is a new digital camera…one that will transform all my pictures into creative masterpieces. My sister is the one with the eye though. She can turn a bicycle on a boardwalk by the beach into the most artistic beautiful photo. That's why I asked her to help me decorate my new apartment. I would rather have my walls adorned with pictures my loved ones have taken then buying an Ansel Adams print. I can't wait to see what all she has come up with (I got a sneak peak and loved it!) Don't worry once I move in there will be pictures of how it all turned out.

I'm coming to terms with who I am, and I'm a list kinda girl. That's ok, I'm alright with it. Being a list person doesn't mean that I'm not up for things on a whim. As of right now I have 4 lists that I'm trying to keep track of.

First there's the Heather's never done this before list. I may be most excited for this one because it's full of crazy simple things...like going on a slip and slide, and drinking Boones farm.

Then there's Dave and my summer list: shooting a gun, Niagara Falls, helping me move, baseball games…etc. Fun things to do together while getting to know each other better.

Of course there's got to be a best friend list. Especially since last summer was so great with Megan, we have to try and outdo ourselves this year. A do over for Charleston, SC is on there, as well as going up in the Washington Monument.

Last but not least is the list for myself; my bucket list. It may combine some of the things from all the other lists but this one is for me. The list that will take forever to complete, and will hopefully keep on growing the more I cross off. Things like have a kid, go skinny dipping, along with the places I want to travel to are on there.

Nightmare

It's 2:00 in the morning and I was just awoken by the doorbell ringing over and over and over. You know how sometimes you hear things and it creeps into your dream until it wakes you up? I thought it was just part of mine, although it didn't fit, and then I heard my Dad putting on clothes and going down stairs. Mind you I live IN the District so I'm a little apprehensive to have  my dad open the door to yell at kids for doorbell ditching at 2 AM so I got out of bed and went to the top of the stairs and asked him if everything was ok. He had just finished looking outside and said it wasn't us, and then he came up stairs and said he didn't remember me coming home ( I was out tonight, but made sure to say hello I'm home when I came home around 10:15 or so because I know they worry.) He said he thought it was someone coming to the house about me. So we hugged and I reassured him I was in fact fine and safe and home.

Life is short and unpredictable. Cherish the ones you love and tell them you love them often. Say kind words instead of harsh ones, take chances, and enjoy life.

Love you guys. Just saying it again in case I don't enough.

Watching from above

    Note: I work in casualty and mortuary affairs, so I deal with death of some sort on a daily basis.

A co-worker came over to me today and picked up a picture that was by my desk (not my picture) of a funeral. He commented on the coffin, and how beautiful it was, and I said something about how I didn't want a coffin because it's more expensive and I just wanted to be cremated. He then said the weirdest sentence anyone has EVER said to me. He first looked me up and down and said, "With your stature, and weight you'd burn in an hour." Ummm thanks? Anyways, conversation was turned to other ideas for your remains and he told me about this one idea for shooting your remains into space. I didn't believe him so we looked it up. Click on the link below to see the website.

ORBIT

Anyhow, it's a weird concept, and personally I don't want to be outer space trash. I'd rather not be placed in an urn for people to look at (I am totally picturing a Meet the Parents debacle, for which I would like to avoid for my loved ones.) So have me cremated, enjoy a walk on the beach and scatter my ashes there, or have the cremators dispose of them. There's no need to hold onto the ashes. You have pictures and memories that you'll keep with you, a pile of ashes isn't going to do much.

Although if I can find a way to be put inside a football and used during a Steelers game, I'm totally going for that one...

Tag me!

I love the Kane 99.5 radio show. A LOT. I listen to it every morning on my way to work. Some of the things on there are ridiculous but I'm entertained all the way to my office. This morning there was a wife that called because she was pissed at her husband for the vacation pictures he posted on his Facebook page. That's right, I'm going to be talking about FACEBOOK (my other addiction) and relationships. I may have brought this up in another post a while ago but I have a new idea!

Anyways, apparently the husband photo shopped his wife so she looked thinner in these pictures, and the wife was pissed and decided to post the real pictures to her facebook page. Nothing like passive-aggressive Internet fighting to challenge a marriage. My new idea is that once you are married you get rid of your own facebook and make a joint account. Instead of Jane Doe, you become John and Jane Doe.  Therefore you both can monitor each others actions. No secrets, no fights, no FB revenge,  and no more "her message was innocent" convo's. It would be up front and open. And isn't that how a marriage should be anyways?

When it rains it pours

I went to the car wash this evening after work before my dinner plans and this picture shows what I was amused by. Maybe I just haven't been to a car wash in ages but this was new to me. It was like cotton candy coming down, it made me half smile.Yeah, I would be the person to wash her car while its raining outside. But you know it only makes sense because you see how dirty your car really is when the rain washes away some of the dirt, and you see the glimmer of the actual color of your car underneath.

Random thought:  Anything worth having doesn't come easy.

So I'm going to keep on trucking, because I know what I want, and although things may not be easy right now its worth it.

Random

This is going to be a cluster-f#$* of random. Just to let you know ahead of time.

First. Black sheets, even though they may go with your bedroom décor coloring, are gross. I put blacks sheets on last week and I have to say maybe winter time was not the best season to try these out. Your skin is dry and flakey despite all the lotion you may apply, and there it is for your viewing pleasure on your black sheets. Gross. I’m pulling these off tonight, washing them on HOT, and not ever putting them back on my bed. *shiver*

2.  Balls. Yes I said balls. I had a conversation with my best friend Justin a couple of weeks ago about this. I was driving to my boyfriends after work and I got stuck behind this stupid ass truck with a set of steel balls hanging from the undercarriage. Necessary? I think not. If you’re a man, we’ll be able to tell, but hanging a scrotal sack from your car is not the way to show it. I feel sorry for the unlucky SOB that parks next to me with those things when I have a kid and he/she asks what those things are. I’ll wait all day in the parking lot until the driver comes out and let him explain to my 4 year old what they are. Make you feel uncomfortable? I hope so, because I’m a little queasy myself watching those things swing back and forth.

I think I can officially stop talking about this now.

3. It's ok to be lame. Seriously. If you like staying in on Friday nights to catch up on the shows you DVR'd this week instead of going out to bars...do it. Man up, and own what you want to do.

In the land of plenty

RANDOM thought of the day:
You can't really tell from this picture but the green sign says mattressland and the red one to the right says carpetland.

I understand the approach to be straightforward with your potential consumers but seriously where is the creativity. I sometimes feel like individual creativity is being squashed. Today (it's around 40 degrees) I'm freezing my ass off, but I look so cute. In an office environment the only real way to be creative (unless you're the lucky one to have a creative job) is to show it in how you dress.

The other week I was out at the Kennedy Center with my mom and we were at the cafe grabbing something to eat and I turned around to ask her a question but she wasn't behind me. I then proceeded to look for her jacket. That was of no help because everyone else was wearing a long black dress coat too. (I was wearing red!)

It helps to relieve stress if you find some sort of creative outlet, whether its scrapbooking, baking and icing treats for the people you work with, or bedazzling anything you can get your hands on.

So take some time and head on to Michael's and pick up some craft stuff...I promise you it's a good time.