Uh oh, it's out there, it's a symptom that some of my friends are already having. What exactly you ask? Bahumbugness. I know it may not sound that bad but it catches and can bring even the cheeriest of folks down into a Grinch-like state. In order to combat this nasty disease I'm giving them full doses of optimism, excitement, and a promise of a tacky sweater party. ( I'm so white ) And seeing as I've already put up my Christmas tree (about 3 weeks ago) complete with wrapped presents underneath, I'm ready to have everyone join me in the festivities and have some holiday cheer. I don't care what your religious affiliations are with this time of year but I do expect people to be a little nicer and a bit more friendly. My radio station has been tuned to the all holiday music one, and I've been rockin out to Jingle Bells for quite some time now.
Oh I've been waiting to put up pictures of my tree but I felt that I couldn't be hypocritical and show them until AFTER Turkey Day had passed.
I've taken a hiatus from all things technological. Ok that's not entirely true. I still use my email, I used my phone (which has email, chat, and gps), and I ordered clothes on line. So to say I've taken a break from technology is a false statement. However, I have taken a break from the bliggity (blog) and the ever time consuming Facebook, of which I dont' see myself returning to anytime soon. Anyhoo...I've done too much in the past few months to catch you up on.
But what has really brought me back to the blogging world is what happened at Sugarland concert this past Saturday. I need an outlet, a place to vent, and to have this out there for some child to see one day. There is a rule, perhaps not a concrete law rule but one that should be followed if you were not born and raised in a barn. It's more of a courtesy, common knowledge if you will. Or so I thought until the night of the concert. I know it may not sound like a big deal but imagine this; you've gotten to the concert, found a perfect area with your best friend and have laid down your quilt. Imagine sitting there next to gaggles of high schoolers a little too close for comfort, so you move your quilt a couple of feet away so you can stretch out. Imagine them now stepping on your blanket. Stepping on it to get to where their friends are, stepping on it because they're standing in a pack and dont' understand spacing. Then Megan and I leave to go to the bathroom and to get some food, we come back to 5 little drunk high school girls wearing cowboy boots standing in the MIDDLE of said quilt. Rude, rude, rude. Now I'm not really sure where I learned not to step on other people's blankets ( I bet it was from my parents when I was younger though) but this lesson must be taught again. I mean it's like me going to the beach and ignoring the fact that I'm stepping on other people's towels with my wet sandy feet. It's the same thing except with a blanket and grass. How that doesn't translate over is beyond me. I had to breathe a couple of times and remind myself it's not a good idea to pull a 17 year old girls hair.
Not even the worst of it.
I get that this isn't such a big deal but it bothered me and I just wanted to put out a reminder for everyone to please remember it's rude and inconsiderate to step on other people's blankets...ESPECIALLY with your shoes on. The summer has ended and along with it laying out on blankets for outdoor concerts. But next summer will be here before you know it so please be cognisant of where you're putting your muddy ass feet. Thanks.
I had dinner with my dad the other night. We haven't had some quality one on one time in a while so it was nice to just go out with him and catch up and talk. Although, I am at that age where people question whether he's my sugar daddy so I make sure I address him loudly as Dad. Not daddy because that could be taken in the wrong way..believe me. When my dad and I get together it's always good conversation, wine, and laughter. He's a funny guy and I really enjoy him as a person (although it took me what seems like a lifetime to get to this point with him.)
When we get together we talk about a lot of things but one thing we talked about last night was service. When I was younger and even during college, and a little after, I thought (sadly) that all I wanted to do was work in some skyscraper, wear cute business clothes, and make a lot of money. But now my thoughts have changed drastically. For me at least, if I'm not doing something that is helping, or giving back I feel that I'm wasting my time. I have the need to be a part of something larger than myself. I want to do something important, or at least feel that I'm participating in making someones lives better. I don't want to make money for a corporation or sell people things they don't need.
There are different types of service. What usually comes to mind for me when I think of service, is the military. Blame my upbringing, but when I think service I picture men and women in uniform. Yet there are other ways to serve. My sister serves God and her community by working with youth at Va Beach and being an example of a solid Christian, and teaching them about the Word. My mom has served by all her countless volunteering, her leadership roles in the Church, and by taking care of her family. Megan serves others by helping them with their rehabilitation. She makes it so they can function with their daily activities, even what we would think as simple as getting dressed in the morning. She impacts people's lives on a daily basis.
I find my current job rewarding because I know at the end of each day I'm helping a family during their grieving period of losing someone gain some type of closure.
Maybe my goals are too high, and my dreams too lofty but I think that if you're spending 8+ hours a day doing something it should be something you're excited to get out of bed for. It should be something that makes a difference and impacts someone or something for the greater good.
My bed broke. Slight correction, Dave broke my bed. Now get your mind out of the gutter because nothing your thinking happened or was the reason it broke....I wasn't even in the room. I bought an antique sleigh bed from the 1800's and needless to say it's probably not the sturdiest of things. The sideboards were a little weak and the slats we had across them along with the box spring and mattress proved to be too much for it. Poor Dave was the unfortunate one to simply sit on the bed and provide that "too much" pressure amount. I heard the crack from the next room and just shut my eyes because I knew something bad had happened. Luckily my parents due to their love of old antique things knew of a place to take my sideboards to have them repaired. Wednesday I'm getting my sideboards back after having my mattress on the floor for the past 3 weeks! I love that broken things can be fixed.
Sometimes words just get to me. I'm currently reading the compilation of 100 Ray Bradburry's short stories and he has a way with words. He can make something simple more than it is with just a few words. I've never been into short stories before but with these I'm drawn in right off the bat and captivated until the end.
I also picked up the Screwtape Letters by C.S Lewis. I'm interested in his journey to Christ, so I was googling some background and other books to check out of his and I came across this one quote that I fell in love with; "Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything." He wrote this about his wife dying. It's beautiful and sums up loss so completely.
Today, I was catching up on some of the blogs I read, and this photography one that Iove wrote this next quote and I was so taken with it that I had to share.
"All it takes is one little spark to create a blaze in the heart of another, and you can choose to douse it with disinterest or let it spread until it engulfs your whole being."
I don't even know how to put into words how I feel about this. It's perfect. It's true. It's that choice that we all don't realize we're making when we meet someone.
Words are amazing...but don't forget that your actions speak just as loud.
Yesterday Dave came over after work, and he was wearing a suit! For his new job he's wearing civilian attire, and he looked snazzy. But it was also weird because it made me think when did I grow up? When did I start dating men in suits? When did it happen that I go to bed early, so I can wake up for work at 8? As Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy said, "We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?"
I don't necessarily want it to stop but I don't feel like I am old enough to be here. I still feel 16 but have to realize sometimes that I'm not.
However, I do realize I'm 24 and and adult when:
I get excited about finding the trash chute in my new apartment building, sleeping in on the weekends is 8:30 a.m, at Target I buy cleaning supplies, I have to look at my calendar before agreeing to anything, presents consist of Tupperware...and I'm excited about it, and I remember my best friend is getting married.
98..99..100 Grown up life, ready or not, here I come.
I may have a slight addiction to the show Bones. My favorite part about the show is the dynamic between Seeley Booth and Dr. Temperance Brennan. These two have such different personalities and perspectives, yet get along so well. I think it's their differences that bring them together and allow them to learn from one another and grow as individuals. Anyhoo… I was watching a re-run yesterday and at the end Bones made a toast about Booth for his birthday and I loved it.
"Anthropology teaches us that the alpha male is the man wearing the crown, displaying the most colorful plumage and the shiniest baubles. He stands out from the others. But I now think that anthropology may have it wrong. In working with Booth, I've come to realize that the quiet man, the invisible man, the man who's always there for friends and family... that's a real alpha male. And I promise my eyes will never be caught by those shiny baubles again."
This was moving for me because earlier that day Dave sent me the following poem.
The Poor Knight
From the novel The Idiot by Dostoevsky:
Lived a knight once, poor and simple
Pale of face with glance austere,
Spare of speech, but with a spirit
Proud, intolerant of fear.
He had had a wondrous vision:
Ne'er could feeble human art
Gauge its deep, mysterious meaning,
It was graven on his heart.
And since then his soul had quivered
With an all-consuming fire,
Never more he looked on women,
Speech with them did not desire.
But he dropped his scarf thenceforward,
Wore a chaplet in its place,
And no more in sight of any
Raised the visor from his face.
Filled with purest love and fervour,
Faith which his sweet dream did yield,
In his blood he trace the letters
Her initials on his shield.
When the Paladins proclaiming
Ladies' names of true love's sign,
Hurled themselves into the battle
On the plains of Palestine,
Lumen coeli, Sancta Rosa!
Shouted he with flaming glance,
And the fury of his menace
Checked the Musslim's advance.
Then returning to his castle
In far distant country side,
Silent, sad, bereft of reason,
In his solitude he died
I feel that Bones' toast and the poem have the same theme- humble men. To me the strongest men are the ones that don't have to flaunt their accomplishments, good deeds and wins. These are the men that you can trust and follow. The unsung heroes. I'm lucky enough to have some of these men in my life.
Just because you don't, doesn't mean I can't brag about you.
My sister as I've said before is an amazing amateur photographer with tons of potential, and my apartment is decorated with her work. My FAVORITE, absolute FAVORITE picture she has taken is on my mantle above my fireplace. People comment on our pictures and Jess and I get to explain them, which is a good conversation starter.
This one in particular seems to be the major puzzle piece for people.
Most people think it's a mountain range and in this small of a form I can see it...kind of. What it actually is, is a piece of wood from a shipwreck Katie found on the beach and the blue in the back is the sky meeting the Atlantic Ocean. The detail is amazing and I love how the wood is the focus and the background is less clear. It's probably my favorite picture ever (ok I love her pier one just as much).
It's all about perception. I knew my sister was taking pictures at the beach so when I looked at this I was thinking beach thoughts. Others have come looking at it with no knowledge of where she was so they were free to form their own ideas about what it was.
Bigger form you can see better that it's wood.
Same goes with life. Everyone has had their own stories, adventures, situations, and beliefs that they bring to the table which color their views on things. This is how people can have different perceptions over the exact same situation. Regardless of how a situation might actually be, how you perceive is is the key factor.Sometimes those things that you let affect your perception filter into other aspects of your life and you should reevaluate where they're coming from. I'll get on that.
I don't know how much complication can fit in such a tiny body.
I got an email update from my sister today, and this definition was in it:
Redeem: to buy back, to get or win back; to free what distresses or harms; to free from captivity by payment of ransom; to extricate from or help to overcome something detrimental; to release from blame or debt; to free from the consequences of sin; to change for the better; to repair or restore; to exchange for something of value; to remove the obligation of by payment; to atone for, expiate; to offset the bad effect of; to make worthwhile; to rescue.
My sister leads Young Life, which is a non-denominational Christian based youth ministry. She sends prayer requests and email updates about how everything is going and I always find them moving and inspirational (much like my sister). My sister is amazing and I know that when she was speaking about redemption she was talking about Christ and how he died on the cross for our sins. However moving that is for me I think redemption can be tied into all aspects of our lives.
When I think of the word redeem sadly my mind turns to retail. Redeem your coupon for 20% off your ENTIRE purchase. Terrible. What I would like to focus on today though are relationships and heartbreak. Both are a part of life, and hopefully, one day,you'll find one that doesn't end in the latter. However with every break of ones heart (at least with mine) I find it harder and harder to trust and open up. I tend to feel that the new man in my life should redeem himself for the mistakes made from my previous relationship. Completely and utterly unfair, yes I know. I become closed off and don't want to be repaired for fear of getting destroyed emotionally again. But at the end of the definition is says, "to make worthwhile; to rescue." Redeem can mean so many things. It can be an action one takes, or a change of mind in order to "help overcome something detrimental." There's endless possibilities there, and isn't that a great thing?
It's been a great year. There has been heartache and learning. There's been growth; I've found strength I didn't even know I had. I got the chance to get closer to my parents, especially to develop a better relationship with my Dad.
The thing with moving home is that it's never the same…you're not the same. I came home older, with my feet wet with the waters of the world. I came home having lived on my own for 5 years. I came home an independent woman trying to transition back into my parent's house, living under their roof with their rules. They were very open and understanding of the fact that I was an adult coming home and they treated me that way. I know my dad especially tried really hard to not use his "dad voice" or tell me what to do. It took some adjustment but I settled in pretty quickly and I feel that I was respectful and they in turn were too.
Moving out is bitter sweet. As excited as I am to be out on my own again, I'm sort of sad to leave. I've loved having my parents there for me after a bad day. I've loved dancing and jumping around the kitchen with my mom when we're excited about things. I've loved the quality one on one time with my dad that I never really had before. I love Bella. I love that every morning she butts her head against my door and barges in, thumping her tail against my bed, and attempting to lick my face. I love the daily reminder that two people love me unconditionally, that they believe in me, and their support is never ending.
I'm moving close enough that I'll continue to go to the church we all go to and have Sunday lunch together. I'm sure I'll need my Bella fix too. And if it's been too long since I've seen them they can always entice me to come over with schnitzel night!
So thank you mom and dad…and I'm keeping my key. But I'll call before I come over just in case it becomes a clothing optional house once I leave.
It's 2:00 in the morning and I was just awoken by the doorbell ringing over and over and over. You know how sometimes you hear things and it creeps into your dream until it wakes you up? I thought it was just part of mine, although it didn't fit, and then I heard my Dad putting on clothes and going down stairs. Mind you I live IN the District so I'm a little apprehensive to have my dad open the door to yell at kids for doorbell ditching at 2 AM so I got out of bed and went to the top of the stairs and asked him if everything was ok. He had just finished looking outside and said it wasn't us, and then he came up stairs and said he didn't remember me coming home ( I was out tonight, but made sure to say hello I'm home when I came home around 10:15 or so because I know they worry.) He said he thought it was someone coming to the house about me. So we hugged and I reassured him I was in fact fine and safe and home.
Life is short and unpredictable. Cherish the ones you love and tell them you love them often. Say kind words instead of harsh ones, take chances, and enjoy life.
Love you guys. Just saying it again in case I don't enough.
I'm having an issue with this whole debate on whether to repeal the 1993 "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" law that was passed during the Clinton Administration. My delima here is that I don't know where I stand, or know what I believe is right. I don't believe that people should be discriminated against, but I also don't believe that we should do anything that will affect our military and its mission, especially during a time of war.
I'm an Army brat, which just means I grew up as a daughter of a solider (actually of two soldiers, until my mom got out to stay at home and raise my sister and I.) I describe myself as a "real" Army brat meaning that I moved a lot....I went to three different high schools in four years, so I grew up and was raised in the military community. Fact of the matter is that I love the military and the members that serve our great Nation. I also have gay friends and think that they shouldn't have to hide who they are if they so choose to join the military.
So here I am struggling with which side to stand on. On one hand I feel that someone's sexual orientation shouldn't prohibit them from fighting for this country, but on the other hand I don't want to have a policy taken away that could possibly be detrimental to the structure of today's military.
Army Chief of Staff Gen. George W. Casey Jr has said, "The young company commanders and midlevel non-commissioned officers — the ones who would have to implement this policy — when I talk to them, they're kind of in the mode of, 'My God, what else do you want us to do right now?' Those are the folks that are frankly the ones that are most at risk. If the midlevel and non-commissioned officers start walking, they're the ones that take a decade to grow. I don't want to overdo that, but that's a possibility."
I have so much more to say on this matter and I think that means I know where I'm siding.
I love the Kane 99.5 radio show. A LOT. I listen to it every morning on my way to work. Some of the things on there are ridiculous but I'm entertained all the way to my office. This morning there was a wife that called because she was pissed at her husband for the vacation pictures he posted on his Facebook page. That's right, I'm going to be talking about FACEBOOK (my other addiction) and relationships. I may have brought this up in another post a while ago but I have a new idea!
Anyways, apparently the husband photo shopped his wife so she looked thinner in these pictures, and the wife was pissed and decided to post the real pictures to her facebook page. Nothing like passive-aggressive Internet fighting to challenge a marriage. My new idea is that once you are married you get rid of your own facebook and make a joint account. Instead of Jane Doe, you become John and Jane Doe. Therefore you both can monitor each others actions. No secrets, no fights, no FB revenge, and no more "her message was innocent" convo's. It would be up front and open. And isn't that how a marriage should be anyways?
Every experience in life you come out learning something. You leave taking something with you, whether it's a new outlook, a realization, or a better understanding of yourself.
What I've learned is what I need, and what I want. I know that I want to be stronger and not a follower. I want to stand on my own, and I'm going to. Not that I'm a follower in the traditional sense (beer bong anyone?) but I definitely, these past two years, have been complacent with going where others are. I have made decisions based on others and now I'm ready to do my own thing. I'm ready to find my passion and follow it. If someone wants to be with me, it should be a conversation between two equals about where to go, and what to do. No more waiting and blindly following.
A friend in my office gave me the brilliant idea to look over the past decade and rate the ten best and worst moments. Due to my terrible memory and the lack of enthusiasm I've had for the past ten years I've decided to focus on 2009.
Here is goes.
Worst of 2009
1.Sadie dying
2.Walter deploying along with my other friends
3.The IPO (enough said there)
Best of 2009
1.Living with Megan
2.Meeting and falling in love with Steve
3.FINALLY getting a dog
4.Making money
5.Going on my first cruise
6.Moving back home and being close to my family again
7.Going back to church
8.The ability to travel (Nashville, Tampa, Caribbean, etc)
9.Steelers winning the Superbowl
10.Steve----is it apparent yet that he is really the best thing that's happened to me?
Honestly as I'm recapping my past year, it's been mostly good. Yes I hate my job, but I'm grateful to have one that I make good money at. I started off 2009 alone in my apartment down in Florida, and I'm ok with that. I told myself life is all about your attitude and your outlook on things, and I've decided that I was right. You can improve your situation by having a positive outlook. Don't get me wrong there are days where I hate life, and where I don't want to get out of bed to go to work, but overall I'm pretty happy. I couldn't come up with many worst's of 2009 because even though at the time things might have sucked they brought me to where I am today. And honestly I don't have much, if anything, to complain about. I'm loved by my friends, family, and Steve and that's all that really matters.
For 2010 I hope to find a job that is more fulfilling, get in shape, save a good amount of money for the future, and have my best friend live close to me!
In the end it's a new year with a fresh slate. Start with a positive outlook.
2010 I'm ready for you and the endless possibilities you bring.
Uh oh, it's out there, it's a symptom that some of my friends are already having. What exactly you ask? Bahumbugness. I know it may not sound that bad but it catches and can bring even the cheeriest of folks down into a Grinch-like state. In order to combat this nasty disease I'm giving them full doses of optimism, excitement, and a promise of a tacky sweater party. ( I'm so white ) And seeing as I've already put up my Christmas tree (about 3 weeks ago) complete with wrapped presents underneath, I'm ready to have everyone join me in the festivities and have some holiday cheer. I don't care what your religious affiliations are with this time of year but I do expect people to be a little nicer and a bit more friendly. My radio station has been tuned to the all holiday music one, and I've been rockin out to Jingle Bells for quite some time now. 
Oh I've been waiting to put up pictures of my tree but I felt that I couldn't be hypocritical and show them until AFTER Turkey Day had passed.
